If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
As shirtless as possible
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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