i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
