All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
