so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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