If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
