your parents love me but you hate me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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