worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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