I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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