Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
