Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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