Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
