I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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