Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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