I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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