I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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