Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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