I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
youre lurking in front of me
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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