whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
