Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
