I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
