Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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