butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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