Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
