So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
