I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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