i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
