If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
