I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
