You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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