There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
