I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
