i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
