Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
