The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
