dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
