A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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