YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
How naked do you want me to be?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
