She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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