I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
