So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
