Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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