i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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