she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
