there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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