I should be sponsored by Trojan
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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