three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
