Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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