Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
