That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
