See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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