I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
